♥ZombieSiren♥™

You know what truly sucks,

When your friends think you use them, and for something as little as weed.

Okay I admit, when I’m drunk sitting at home, all by myself watching tv or just on the computer, I tell alot of people “Hey we should smoke” or “hey we should smoke sometime” does that mean “hey smoke me up?” … no. Have I asked people to smoke me up from time to time, sure but who hasn’t. A simple no if they didn’t want to would just be fine with me. Cause I don’t really care if I get to smoke or not. And have come to the terms I’m not gonna drink when I’m sitting home by myself anymore. Because then my friends get seriously mad at me. Even last night, I post anyone wanna smoke, I’ll throw 5’s turns into this big ordeal. Did I really think it was going to happen no, if I didn’t get to smoke I wouldn’t have cared and didn’t. I remember when I had a job and had money and weed all the time and would just smoke everyone up and I never expected anything in return and still don’t. I can’t even recall the amount of times that happened, but it didn’t bother me because I had friends that wanted to chill with me all the time. I remember just handing out my mom’s xanax when someone asked, sadly and definitely not doing that anymore.

But in the last 2 years I have never felt like I didn’t really have any friends who actually just wanted to hangout with me than I do now. Maybe when I was younger in elementary and didnt really have many friends. But people I actually care about now, almost never just want to hangout with me. And you know have good sober fun. I either sit at home a majority of the time or go to my boyfriends for a few days and then come back home and spend some good ole quality time with my bedroom. There have been numerous times where I’ve asked people hey when are you free so we can hangout and that rarely ended up in actually hanging out with someone. So i ask people to let me know when there free cause chances are I’m going to be free. I do the same thing almost everyday and probably will until I get a job, in which I’m waiting till it gets warmer out so I can walk about an hour to kings highway and apply everywhere up there.

But I’m just so over it, I do fine being by myself most of the time, I’m use to it, have been since I was little. If people think that I only want them to smoke me up they should just try hanging out with me with no weed or alcohol involved, cause I’d have a pretty great time just being apart of something.

I’m an introverted/extroverted kind of person. I can handle sitting in my house by myself either reading or being a computer nerd, the same as hanging out with my friends. But I never saw a problem when anyone asked me to smoke weed with them when I had weed. Just because I never have money that much anymore doesn’t mean that I just want people to smoke me up all the time. It’s amazing how much I actually don’t smoke anymore because I have no money and don’t expect those kinds of things. And when they do happen you know I feel really grateful for that on a high level, and it doesn’t mean that I don’t feel grateful even when people don’t want to.

It’s just a shame you know. Going from I have the most amazing group of friends ever for about 2 years, to wow no one ever hits me up anymore for about two years. If there’s anyone who just wants to hangout you know, watch movies, play games, go to the park or the beach, walk around and just have fun without anything having to do with money involved let me know. I’m never posting anything about weed on facebook or even asking people to smoke if I have money to throw. I’ll either just inbox someone or save my money for more important things for the time being.

You know it’s really sad, reminiscing about all the good times you had with people that are barely there anymore. I just miss the company of my old friends. Maybe that’s why my anxiety’s been so bad lately, and the more and more I just sit in my house I’m shut out from everything. If it wasn’t for having such a great boyfriend I’d probably move away or would atleast want to. And that’s really sad. I care way to much about alot of people, that I barely see. Besides my boyfriend being my best friend and everything lol I miss actually having a legit best friend, someone I could be my true self with and share my secrets with. And really talked to me and wanted to hangout all the time. Because clearly alot has changed. And I’ve sat back and seen it change.

I can’t wait to get a job, and just keep busy. Cause then I’ll be hanging out with my boyfriend, sitting home being a nerd, and working and making money.

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